Grace to know more

What does it feel like to let your heart break for the hurt you've seen but to feel the closeness of God's presence like a blanket of strength? 

What does it mean to weep with those who weep and worship God at all times?

What does it feel like to crumble under the pressure of doing life on your own strength but to hear the voice of God quiet your heart?

What does it mean to sing praises in the face of hopelessness?

Asking these questions terrifies me, because I know they have answers.  The answers are beautiful and deep beyond words, but they are so, so hard.  Yet, I want to know God in these ways.  I do want to see his bigness.  I do want to know his love.  And I know that if I do not risk pain and failure and incompetence, I will never see anything bigger than myself.  That smallness terrifies me more than the questions.  God calls us to be strong and courageous, to fear not.  He promises to give grace to the humble. 

So, I will pursue the awe of God's strength perfected in my weakness. 

I will learn to
have courage
be brave
stay soft
and seek that grace.