the power of relationships

Working at a home for emotionally wounded girls has me thinking about relationships … a lot .  Recently, my mom pointed me to this amazing resource by Leslie Vernick, and it voiced something I’d been trying for a week to put into words:

“The way someone treats you, whether it be good or bad, has little to do with you. It reveals something about who they are.” 

Umm… read that again!

This rings true on so many levels.  I want to live this way, and I want our girls to be able to live this way!  


First of all, God loves us. Greatly. This in spite of our obvious flaws and shortcomings. His loving response to us reveals more of His endless goodness than can anything else!  I can trust His character.  Despite mine. 

Secondly, if someone hurts me, physically or emotionally, it is not my fault. In the same way that God’s love depends on Him, not me, another person’s response to me depends on their character, not mine. That’s frightening and freeing at the same time. I did not cause it, and I can not control it. 

That brings me to number three: No one else is responsible for how I respond to them. They do not have the power to control my reactions. I may choose to be happy, angry, afraid of them, or what have you, but I am always responsible for what I think, say, and do.  That choice reveals my character, not theirs.

The vast majority of our girls come from places where this truth has been sabotaged since Day One. A healthy understanding of relationships just doesn't grow out of the soil they were planted in.  Part of the miracle that God does when they come here is to transform their sweet, wounded hearts from

frightened,
weak,
needy,  
o v e r - d e p e n d e n t ,
dishonest,
manipulative,
controlling,
angry,
violent,
b i t t e r ,
indifferent, (or a progression of a l l of the above) 
 
into confident, 
loving,
strong, 
g i v i n g , 
kind, 
honest, 
caring, 
p a t i e n t , 
compassionate, 
open, 
forgiving, 
passionate young women.  

It's a long process.  

When a girl spills kind words instead of bitter ones, my heart jus wants to praise God for the miracle He is working in her!

 

When a girl pushes the limits of my patience and understanding, I can thank God that she is here, and that He loves her, and that this is a good place for her to heal from the ugliness that’s pouring out. 

 When that girl is me… God’s grace becomes that much more personal.

 

God is working. Please pray for us. We need it!